Today, LON is excited to share Maya’s* interview with you. Maya knows what it’s like to be a teen mom, scared and alone. But she also knows the joy of a special relationship with her son. Here’s her story:
LON: Can you tell us a little bit about your first pregnancy?
Maya: When I got pregnant at 15, I felt ashamed – like I was just fulfilling another statistic. I didn’t tell my parents until I was almost six months along. At the same time, I had this faith that everything would work out all right.
LON: Did you end up keeping the baby?
Maya: Yes. During pregnancy it felt sort of surreal – like, “this can’t be happening.” But I always knew I would keep the baby.
LON: Did you and the baby’s father stay together?
Maya: No. We broke up shortly after my son was born. My boyfriend at the time wasn’t ready to grow up. I lived with my parents, who did their best, but didn’t really know how to help me.
LON: Can you tell me some of the hard things you went through during that season of your life?
Maya: I felt lonely. I moved out of my parents’ house when the baby was about a year old. I felt like I needed to be independent, but juggling childcare with work was hard. I also felt ostracized by my friends – not many girls my age were having babies.
LON: Did you ever struggle to get the help you needed?
Maya: Honestly, I didn’t know that help was out there. I didn’t even know about WIC. The first roommate I had – after I moved out of my parents’ house – watched my son while I worked. I thought I had to rely on friends, make my own way. But that situation wasn’t safe – that roommate was using drugs and alcohol, so I got out of there as fast as I could.
LON: What did you do for work?
Maya: I worked at the mall, at a clothing store. I made $6.50 an hour.
LON: How did you get to and from work? How did you pay for clothes to wear to work?
Maya: I rode the bus, which was hard – it was a two-hour bus ride, with transfers, each way. I didn’t have a driver’s license yet – no one had time to teach me to drive. And yes, I was expected to dress professionally for work at the clothing store. I had to steal clothing to go to work. When people don’t have resources – you do bad stuff.
LON: Can you tell me more about your childcare situation?
Maya: I tried different options – friends and even the baby’s father – but none of those options were safe. There were always drugs or drinking involved. My mom was working full-time too; she was only 40 years old at the time. So she wasn’t available to watch my son. Eventually, I had to quit my job because I didn’t have a reliable babysitter. I was able to move back in with my parents. Then later, I got a new job, and someone at work told me about daycare assistance. I felt safe leaving my son at the daycare.
LON: How did you get enough food for yourself and your son?
Maya: Honestly, there were times when there wasn’t enough food. I didn’t know about SNAP benefits, or the food bank, or anything. I remember a time when my neighbor asked to borrow my and my son’s social security cards, and she used my information to go down to the food bank and get food for herself and her family. I didn’t think anything of it; I didn’t realize I qualified.
LON: Did you have any help at all during that time?
Maya: I did go to this place called Teen Insights. They were helpful – but if they had had a pamphlet, or a website with all the resources in one place – that would’ve made life so much easier. I would’ve done whatever I had to do to make my situation better, I just wish there had been someone to point me in the right direction. I was just a child. I didn’t know how to move forward.
LON: What happened in the years that followed? When your son grew from a baby to a toddler?
Maya: Well, I got pregnant again when I was 19, with a different person. This baby’s father would help me get to and from work, and he would watch my son for me. But he also had a friend who told me, “You should either get an abortion, or prepare to raise this baby alone, because he’s gonna leave.” I did raise my baby alone… for a little while.
LON: Were there any bright spots during your hard and lonely days?
Maya: Knowing that I had a baby waiting for me at home made me say “no” to dangerous or unsafe situations. My son kept me grounded – I had someone depending on me and me only. And he was such a happy baby – I took him everywhere with me – it’s like we grew up together.
LON: Tell me about how you and your son are doing now.
Maya: James* just graduated high school and is enrolled in college – he’s got big dreams! We see each other often and I talk to him every day. We’re buddies! I have a different bond with him than I do with my other kids just because we went through so much together.
LON: You mentioned other kids. What does your family look like today?
Maya: My husband and I have been married for 15 years. We’re a blended family. We love helping other people in our community who are going through situations like ours. My days are full of kids – and I wouldn’t have it any other way.
*Names changed for privacy
