Today, LON is honored to share Gia’s* story with you. Gia is a single mom to a teenage son. She knows the weight of being alone; but she also knows the value of a promise honored. Here is her interview.
LON: Can you tell us a little bit about your past?
Gia: I struggled with promiscuity. I had been sexually molested at the age of four and a half. I had abandonment issues because of being left by my mom and dad and being raised by extended family. I became sexually active myself at age 14. I used it as an escape from my own reality. If I could feel good for one minute – it would take away that feeling I had, the feeling that my circumstances were all my fault.
LON: And how about your pregnancy with your son?
Gia: My pregnancy was very unplanned. When I became pregnant with my son, it was with an ex-boyfriend. I wasn’t exactly at a place where I had a white picket fence or even a husband.
LON: What was your support system like during your pregnancy?
Gia: Well, I didn’t have a partner to go through it with. I’ve always been very independent, very self-sufficient. But I didn’t have any family support either. Not one biological family member was at my baby shower.
LON: Do you know why your family didn’t come?
Gia: Disappointment, I think. I wasn’t very close to my family then. The mother of the man I became pregnant with said: “You’re so stupid, why would you get pregnant with someone who doesn’t love you.” My grandpa told me that if I ever brought a black man to the house, he’d disown me. Then my grandfather died during my pregnancy, and my mom was out of town for his funeral. My sister and I were at odds with each other.
LON: And when you found out you were pregnant, was the baby’s father present at all?
Gia: He was not capable of settling down. When we broke up it was amicable – but the physical relationship didn’t stop. After I became pregnant, he started showing signs of violence. One day he tried to choke me at the top of the stairs of his apartment.
LON: So you had to go it alone. Did you receive any other forms of support from the dad?
Gia: No – he told me, “You can either go after me for child support, OR I’ll be present in the child’s life.” He told me I had to choose. I declined the child support. I thought I was protecting my son from being abandoned by his dad, but his dad did end up abandoning him. Though we live close by, my son hasn’t seen his dad in over two years.
LON: So did you have any support or access any other resources during that time?
Gia: I was very involved in 12-step programs. I had been addicted to crank and methamphetamines – then got clean and sober at age 18. Then when I turned twenty-one, I was back on drugs for about six months, until I went back to 12-step. Later, I got addicted to opiates, which lasted for five years. My addictions got in the way of work. I needed help. My programs became family to me.
I also obtained food stamps from DSHS when I needed them. And I took classes at WorkSource.
LON: Tell me, what made you decide to keep your baby?
Gia: I had had abortions previously – in my twenties. After those experiences, I made a vow that I would never do it again because of the way I felt inside – horrible, horrible.
LON: Can you tell me a little more about that experience?
Gia: Well, I did it because of the fear, and the shame, that came with being pregnant and unmarried. But the shame afterwards was worse. I had practiced self-harm in my teens, but it had stopped – then after my abortions, it came back. The cutting got worse. The self-loathing got worse.
Far and above anything I’ve done in my life – that was the thing I carried the most shame for. And I’ve done a lot of shameful things. Only in the last four or five years have I found freedom and forgiveness from that. Part of walking through forgiveness – I had to name the babies I had lost. That helped bring healing.
LON: Did anything change when you became a mom?
Gia: Oh, I was lost in the world for so long. But my life became purposeful when I became a mother. Even though my son and I have walked through lots of things, lots of trauma – it really is beauty for ashes, our story.
LON: How is your son doing now?
Gia: Micah* is a godsend – I just know it. He’s playing football. He has a heart the size of Texas. He’s very gentle.
*Names changed for privacy
